Chapter 1: Understanding the Chemistry of Fighting

• How unconscious automatic physiological fight responses are different in men and women.
• Why men often withdraw from an argument, and why it doesn’t mean they don’t care.
• The three types of fleeing men use to avoid confrontation.
• Why arguments escalate out of control.
• How understanding the chemistry of conflict helps you to not take his withdrawal behaviors personally, which pulls the plug on fighting.
• A quick True-False test for women to gauge their man’s ANS response.

Chapter 2: The Relationship Battleground: Rate Your Conflicts on the Fighting Richter Scale.

• What are your common subjects of conflict? I have identified 18 common areas of conflict, such as value conflicts, control freak arguments, money arguments, you-never-listen to me arguments, and more…  Discover your areas of conflict, their causes, and how to break free of them.
• The difference between conflict and fighting.  How to handle conflicts, which are always going to be present in a relationship, without turning them into fights.
• Fight Habituation: How to determine if you and/or your partner are “Fight Junkies.”
• How to rate the severity of your fighting on my 3-degree Fighting Richter scale.

Chapter 3: The No Fly (off the Handle) Zone: Eliminating Fight Traps and Faulty Conflict Resolution Tactics

• A complete and in-depth exploration of what Fight Traps are and how they are the #1 roadblock to resolving your conflict.
• Learn about the 15 kinds of Open Warfare vs. the 9 kinds of Secret Warfare. Your fighting tactics are unveiled for you to examine and eliminate.
• Identify the 3 Categories of Conflict Resolution Blocks: Universal, Couple, and Individual.
• How Old Scars from your past can invade your present relationship.
• Discover your Couple Type and how it affects your conflicts.
• Understanding the male power play vs. the female power play.
• Learn how to recognize and deal with such resolution blocks as controlling, competition, lack of cooperation, manipulation, refusing to negotiate, and more.

Chapter 4: Battle of the Bulge: The Sex Wars.

• The differences between male and female sexual drives.
• Why a woman’s sex drive fizzles when she feels emotionally insecure or angry with her mate.
• Understanding different sexual tastes as the foundation for conflict.
• Sexual war games: male versus female strategies.
• Learning to “Read Between the Sheets: Sex as the Battleground for Non-Sexual Issues.”

Chapter 5: Battle Scars: How Childhood Wounds Cause Chronic Conflict and How to Heal Them.

• How to determine if your fight patterns are being fueled by Old Scars.
• Why we choose partners that are like our parents: learn about the Repetition Compulsion and how it unconsciously runs and ruins your life.
• How to strip away the surface fight content and trace it back to your or your partner’s Old Scars.
• How to discuss your Old Scars with your partner and create a mutual understanding.
• The 9 types of Old Scars and how to heal them.

Chapter 6: How Your Head Can Be Your Own Worst Enemy: Training Your Mind to Fight for (Not Against) You.

• Understanding the Echo Process: why we often hear what we want to hear.
• How your negative interpretations, based on Old Scars, may be fueling your fighting.
• The Five Steps to retraining your mind to overcome programmed distortions.
• Excessive personalization and how to avoid it.

Chapter 7: The Battle Ax: How Women Can Use Climate Control Techniques to End Relationship Fighting.

• The Seven Basic Cool-Down principles women need to know.
• Recognizing relationship Danger Zones.
• When to call a permanent truce on certain topics.
• General Cool-Down techniques for when conflicts arise.
• The 11 techniques of keeping things cool by meeting each other’s needs.
• Partial Identification exercises to see things from your partner’s point of view.

Chapter 8: Listening to the Battle Cry: How to Use Your Ears to Resolve Conflicts.

• The 8 types of Listening Blunders: which ones do you commit?
• The 6 common Listening Blocks behind the blunders, plus unique male and female Listening Blocks.
• How to understand what she’s really asking of you.
• How to tell if he really cares.
• Five easy techniques for better listening and understanding, and a simple exercise.

Chapter 9: On Furlough: Knowing When Not to Negotiate

• When negotiation may actually serve as avoidance of feelings.
• The Three Classes of non-negotiable issues: there are some things that are just NOT negotiable.
• Common violations of Relationship Laws.
• Getting past the overt fight content to the root of your feelings.

Chapter 10: The Peace Treaty: How to Negotiate a Contract

• Self-Work required before bringing your problem to your mate: identifying Old Scars, recognizing your Fight Traps, Draining Off Raw Rage, and Digging Up Love.
• How to initiate a discussion: the Ice-Breaker and the Lead-In.
• Forming your Problem Statement without being confrontational. How to head off a fight before it’s too late.
• How to keep the discussion on track and how to handle negotiation impasses and maintain mutuality.
• The elements and techniques of creating a fair, positive, and winning contract.
• Three hypothetical negotiation situations and examples.